I’m back! (I think)

It’s been quite a while since my last post. I got distracted with tumblr and then just went off the internet altogether. But, here I am again, about to try to catch you up with what’s been happening!

I moved houses last month after housesitting at a farm for a friend. It was gorgeous there, though looking after a family’s worth of chickens by myself for a week… lets just say I’m not overly fond of eggs at the moment…

I also hate rams…

I’ve also decided to create stories from a few vivid dreams that I had a few weeks ago, in accordance to the ‘scribing’ that Loki had me doing in the dream I had last year. 

On a more serious note, I’ve been learning to recognise and manage my anxieties better. To make it easier to keep up with, I’ve dedicated any exercise I do to Odin, while I’m dedicating training my mental discipline to Sutekh. It’s made it a lot easier so far to get out of bed, since I’m not doing it just for me anymore.

Anyways, I’m hoping to keep you all up to date more often! 🙂

I’m not mad I swear…

Well, not much anyway. I was warned. I tried not to get mad. It mostly worked. I’m more exasperated than mad, really. Let me go back a bit here. I enjoyed Rick Riordans Percy Jackson series. It’s good entertainment if you’re after something light-hearted, but still interesting. So I thought that his Kane Chronicles would be similar. It’s set in the same universe. It’s good entertainment. But things about it bug me. I don’t mind the use of the gods Greek names. It makes sense; they are the names that they are well-known for. And yes, I’m sure liberties were taken with their personalities. It’s fiction, after all. The bit that bugs me, is the way he portrays Set. As far as I know (and I’m no expert so there are probably a gajillion inconsistencies) most of the gods are portrayed fairly accurately in their roles in Egyptian mythology, and there are many descriptions of each god. Except Set. He is portrayed only one way. Evil. I tried not to get mad. “It’s a generalisation, it’s for the purposes of the story-telling” right?  “Rick will show Set to have a more in-depth personality once the plot moves on from him as the bad guy”. Nope. Even after a whole book of Him not being the bad guy, the glossary of gods at the end has only three words describing Set: “God of evil”. NO. That is a ridiculous description. I might have accepted god of chaos (though that isn’t entirely true, His chaos is necessary). In fact, I would have accepted almost anything but ‘evil’. I’m just so frustrated with Riordan, he mustn’t have looked at how modern Kemetics viewed the gods (or if he did, it was a very select group) and he didn’t research earlier than when the Osiris cult demonized Set because he killed Osiris. Yeah, okay, not a good deed, but not an evil one either. If I remember rightly (and I may not be here, especially because I don’t even remember where I read this) it was necessary for Osiris to die, because he was the only one strong enough to rule the Duat. Or something like that. (I’m now pissed that I can’t remember)

But yeah. Long story short, I’m slightly mad at a piece of fiction for misrepresenting the god I work with most right now. So… Yeah. Rant over I guess.

Diving deeper

I have noticed over time that I have been slowly developing my path, deepening it (shock! horror!). I think a lot about Ma’at these days, and chaos, and how sometimes we think one is the other and how confusing life is. Like how something seems to be chaotic and awful and shitty, but really, in hindsight, it was what had to happen to pave the way for other things, and, in that sense, it was actually of Ma’at. I know I’m only a (very) baby Kemetic, and I doubt I will ever be orthodox, but I think I made the right choice here, choosing to focus on Sutekh (and by extension Kemeticism) rather than try to juggle two completely different pantheons. I’m not saying I will never work with any other god or pantheon, just not until I feel I have become… stable.

On another note, I really wish I could help people. I wish I had the experience to help people. Like if they had questions that I could answer about all sorts of things; Kemeticism, paganism in general, travelling, life. I want to help, but I either know that I don;t have the knowledge, or I’m not comfortable because I’m not sure. And if I offer help over the interwebs, like just being an ear to vent at, I feel like a creepy stalker person. I just hope that one day, I will be able to help people, like others have helped me.

I want to help, but I don't know how :(

I want to help, but I don’t know how 😦

I might have created a matrix of stuff in astral-land I can’t tell. Also “finally!”

Last night I used meditation to try to get to the astral consciously. And it worked. As far as I can remember anyway.

Ok so I’m going to have to go into a bit of background here to be able to explain some thoughts I had; things I haven’t been posting because I didn’t know how to write them.

For a start, about a month ago, I was playing chess with Sutekh while I was in the shower. Yes, I know, that sounds weird to me too. It was like there was a screen in the top right corner of my vision. It was a red room, with a wooden table against one wall that held a black vase and some other things that I don’t remember. In the middle of the room was a chess table, or maybe a small table with a chess board on it, I can’t quite tell. I sat at one end of the table, across from Sutekh and it looks like we are in the middle of a game and I’m just thinking “wtf I’m trying to shower” He makes a move and I stand up, thinking, well if I’m in the astral, if I walk out the door, there will be something out there that I’ve never seen before. Logic, right? So I walk out of the room into a beautiful garden, with grass, some trees, there may or may not have been a white peacock, I can never fully trust my memory. And, of course, my head goes, ‘well even though I have never seen this before, maybe I just don’t remember seeing it on tv or whatever’. Just to piss myself off. My head is rarely satisfied with the conclusions it comes to. So after a while of repeating this with a few other doors, Sutekh just sort of planning his chess moves, I go and sit back down. He motions that it’s my move. We play for a bit before He says,

“You used to be a lot better at this.”

“What, at chess?”

“Being here, but yes, definitely that too.”

Well thanks… I wasn’t there for much longer after that, my flatmates baby was being too cute and demanded my attention.

From my exchange with Sutekh, questions started to arise. I’d never really thought about past lives or anything much before, but since I’ve never really been that good at chess, and I can barely get to the astral consciously, the only conclusion that I can draw from that small conversation (other than I’m crazy, and not in a good way) is that I have had at least one past life where I’ve been good at both.

So, back to my experience last night. I was dictating the songs I wanted on my meditation playlist, seeing as my bf was on the computer at the time, trying to finish his assignment. As we were finishing I got flashes of a picture of Djehuty. This was weird mostly because I haven’t had much to do with Him so far. I told my bf (you know what, lets just call him J) and he said, “well maybe He likes Mogwai?” as we had that playing at the time. Who knows…

So I started meditating. Everything was fine, I was very relaxed. Then I was somewhere else.

It looked kind of like the Matrix ,but instead of green numbers against a black background, there were… pictures? Images? Impressions? against a sort of clearish, bluish, non-existent background. I immediately knew what it was. How? I had a sort of flashback.

I was sitting cross-legged in a place that could only have been the astral. The place I mentioned above in fact, only without the impressions. Opposite me was a person, sitting the same way I was. We had decided to make a library of memories and advice and anything we could think of that would help anyone. What we did was take every fibre of our being, every memory of everything we had done, and push them out into this space, able to be accessed by anyone.

Obviously it had been added to since we had done this because as I stood there last night it was massive. The library stretched as far and high as I could see, which was quite far in that place. And there were people there. Some desperate, some simply browsing the memories put up by so many beings.

By the time I was finished there it was 4am and I can’t remember anything else that I did there. Bugger. If anyone else has been to this place I would really like to know, because as I mentioned, my brain is never satisfied with the conclusions it draws and it would be nice to know I’m not crazy or have some sort of weird creator complex or something…

Yeah man, muffins!

I made muffins. Yup. Muffins. For the gods. Who doesn’t like a muffin on their birthday, after all.

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, my bf and I decided to celebrate Wep Ronpet this year. For those still confused, Wep Ronpet is the Egyptian New Year, the day that Sirius rises before the sun. The five days before this happens are the birthdays of five gods: Wesir (Osiris), Heru-wer (Horus), Sutekh (Set), Aset (Isis) and Nebt-het (Nephthys).

So yeah. Muffins. Ginger and cardamom muffins.