Butting in…

OK, here’s what’s happening.

I’ve almost got this Kemetic thing down (and by that I mean I’m treading water rather than drowning now). Everything seems fine. And now Odin has shown up and demanded I pay him some attention. So now I’m finally using all the little things I bought for no (then)-apparent reason, like the raven earrings I bought and the valknut necklace I bought cause it looked cool (didn’t know what it was at the time). And I realize that He’s always been there, in the shadows, waiting for me to notice Him. Even when I was trying to focus on Kemeticism, I could never resist buying anything that had something to do with Him or Norse paganism in general.

And since I’ve let Odin, apparently Loki thinks He can butt in as well. I had a pretty vivid dream that, broken down, I’m pretty sure means He wants me to a) Feed him, and b) Write for him.

What is it with gods wanting me to write!? Seriously! That isn’t even your domain!!! Is it? I’ve never heard of it being Your domain… If anything that’s Odins domain. WTF Loki?!

Changing the way you think

During a conversation with a lovely blogger, I have discovered a something about myself that bears writing down. Over the years I have always considered one of my core beliefs to be an ‘all life is sacred, harm none’ type of point of view. So of course when I found myself thinking (when my job was about to send me door knocking for a disability charity) “the only reason these people are alive is because the human race has developed so far that we don’t need them. Why don’t we just ‘Darwinism’?” I was a wee bit horrified at myself. Now don’t get me wrong here, I don’t actually believe they should all die. I don’t really care at all actually. Still bad, but not as horrifying. This starts making sense when I start thinking about the gods that have called to me.

The ones who first come knocking are usually the ‘dark’ gods, the ones associated with death and chaos. For example, a few years ago I was reading on the internet about Heimdall and Hel was mentioned as the guardian of the gate to the underworld. I barely skimmed over this section, looking for something else (I don’t remember what) but over the years the guardian of that gate has stuck with me, even though I only remembered her name a few days ago. I am also feeling rather drawn to Set right now, for more than the fact that he is a bringer of change. I’m not sure what that is yet, just a feeling.

Yes, life is sacred (why else would it be sacrificed?). Yes, I still believe that you shouldn’t harm anyone, simply because without consent, what human has the right? But looking back, I feel like I’ve been a bit “fluffy” (for want of a better word) in how I thought about it. I can’t think of any particular situation or example, but the feeling is there. I think it’s time to stop thinking that way.

EDIT: In no way do I think that the life of any disabled person does not matter. They matter just as much and sometimes more than any other living being. The random thought I had horrifies me as much as it does others. It was a weird moment and by no means stereotypical of my head.

Pulled in different directions

Well, on attempting to re-prioritize my life I hit a roadblock. I’ve been having a bit of trouble lately ‘connecting’, for want of a better term, with my gods. At the same time I’ve felt two different paths calling to me, namely Kemeticism and Norse heathenry. I really want to follow my instincts here but feel guilty for even thinking about it because I’m not sure where my current gods (the distant ones) would fit in if I moved on to either of these paths, or both as some have suggested.

Maybe the reason they are a bit distant is because they no longer need me…

Seeing the divine

So you may know I started a new job last week as an independent contractor (which is really just a fancy name for door knocker). I walk from door to door, up and down hills, sometimes in the rain, for at least five hours a day. It’s a bit sucky. The upside is that in New Zealand residential areas there are quite a few bushy areas, with streams and birds. Quite a lot of cats and dogs too. It isn’t hard to see and feel just how present the gods are just in everyday life. With every dog I feel Lugas presence, with every cat, Kikree. And within the bush, Mossyr watches. And as I slog my way through the rain to the next house, Andiba is all around me. Just being out there for hours reinforces that yes, the gods are out there, they are watching. Do others feel the presence of their gods like this? In everyday things and places, places you don’t expect?

Etan- Grandmother Earth

Goddess of the earth (at least where I am), Etan lends her strength and nourishment to all living things to grow. She is a steady, stable, grandmotherly figure, but what she gives, she can also take away. Etan takes in all the bodies from which Sanshaa has taken the souls and uses them. She absorbs all of the nutrients from the flesh and turns it into life, or things that help life.

So in a nutshell, Etan is the grandmotherly goddess of earth, decomposition and nutrition or bounty/food.

(Sorry for the short post. On a side-note, I got employed today!)

Sanshaa- The Death Goddess

In every shadow…

Every pantheon has its god or goddess of death and mine is no exception. Sanshaa, Lady of Death and Darkness. Her name came to me as a whisper in the wind on a dark night. She is in every shadowy corner, every dark alley at night, and works closely with Mossyr to know when to take souls into the great unknown. And when to bring them back for rebirth.

The world in a web

I dreamt of her once. The world was one great web and at the middle, a black spider. Throughout the web were many small creatures, and when one died, the spider would gently bundle it up and take it off the web, placing it into darkness. Sometimes, it would reach into the darkness and bring back one that had died earlier, placing it among the other creatures. I don’t know what happens in the darkness beyond the web, or why some come back, but it is clear that the spider was Sanshaa.

So it kind of goes without saying that spiders are sacred to her.

Sanshaa is much more than a death goddess though. She is death. She is darkness. She is in every shadow, and every shadow is a gateway into the dark realm. Her realm. But I believe that what she does, she does to preserve the light. Without light, there is no shadow. If there was only darkness, who would keep her company? Perhaps that’s why she brings some back. Who knows?

What I do know is that she likes the flowers and scent of jasmine, candlelight and dancing. Slow, seductive dancing. When I meditate on her, I light a black candle to focus on. If you need to ask someone for help with something that needs doing in the dark, she is the one to ask. It is to Sanshaa that I send offerings and pray to for her gentle hand to guide souls after death..

The Brothers of the Sky

Continuing with descriptions of my gods, I’m going to move onto the two main gods of the sky, Rilla and Andiba. They are brothers and once upon a time they were as alike as peas in a pod (an overused simile, I know). Then one day Rilla, the older of the two, took up the mantle of the Sky God. Andiba was jealous of his brother, who would show off his power in pride. Everyone now looked up to Rilla, ignoring him. One day, Andiba argued with his brother and, fed up with Rillas’ boasting, finally ran away, determined to find some way to show everyone that he was just as good as his brother.

When Andiba had been gone for a while, Rilla grew concerned. He loved his brother. After long and careful thought, Rilla decided that he would try to find Andiba, and would give him half of his power over the sky.

Meanwhile, Andiba had wandered all over the world and found nothing that could give him as much power as his brother. He decided to travel to the stars, to see what was there. Maybe there was power above the sky. When he went over the sky and amongst the stars, as far as he could go, he met the distant goddess of the stars, Mein. And suddenly, he was in love. He no longer cared about the power of his brother, all he wanted was to bring this goddess home with him. He spoke with her. Asked her about herself. She replied, distant at first, but as time went on, she began to warm to him. She wondered where he came from, what his home was like. Excited that she was interested, Andiba offered to show her.

When they were almost down to Earth, the two met Rilla. Upon seeing Mein, Rilla was enraptured. Sadly for Andiba, Mein could sense his brothers power and was likewise drawn. Andiba, who could not see that it was love at first sight between the two, asked his brother what he was doing here. Rilla explained that he would rather lose half his power than have a rift between them. Andiba accepted the gift from his brother and the two became dual rulers of the sky.

There is a sad end to this tale, as you might have guessed. Mein, now in love with Rilla, abandoned Andiba as soon as they arrived back on Earth. Andibas’ heart was broken. His grief was so strong that clouds thundered overhead, until there was no sky to see. Rilla urged him to stop, but he did not hear. Mein, terrified of this hurt and angry god, fled back to the stars. Andiba, lost in his grief, did not even notice when Rilla followed her.

Eventually his grief lessened, but never went away. Clouds now follow him wherever he goes haunting him, reminding him of the love that was never truly there. Mein came back to Earth briefly with Rilla, where they got married and had a child, who had power of her own and became the goddess of the moon. Neither goddesses were completely comfortable on Earth though, and both returned to the sky. Mein went back to her stars, where Rilla visits her and Reina, their daughter, lives in the moon, watching the world go by. Andiba had multiple flings with many other goddesses (usually wind, lake and sea goddesses) and has many children. He never really got over Mein though, watching her from within his clouds.

And that is how Rilla became God of the sky and Andiba became God of clouds and storms.

A short description (or two)

Now that I’ve written about the past and how I found my gods (or how they found me) I thought I’d take some time to give you some information about the ones I mentioned in my last post.

Imagine this blatantly happy wolf, except maybe bigger, running down your street.

Let’s start with Luga. The short description is that he is the god of family, loyalty and oddly, primal instinct, such as the fight or flight response every animal gets (Yes, people are animals too), the instinct to procreate and the need for food.The biggest impression that I got of him was that has a fun-loving personality and is very protective of family. He reminds me of a werewolf as well, the way he runs about in the guise of a wolf or dog.

“You should love me. I love me.”

On the flip side of Luga, we have Kikree (kik-ree). He (at least I’m pretty sure it’s a ‘he’) is the god of self-indulgence, all of the things that most people would find almost ‘sinful’ (kinky sex, drugs, alcohol, chocolate, cream), he encourages. Not that he really cares about anyone but himself. He is as elegant and (Dare I say it? He probably won’t care if I do) as arrogant as a cat. Slinking about, treating humans as servants, when he deigns to even notice them. I believe the only reason he bothers to acknowledge my existence is because my belief makes him stronger, more awake.

There will be more to come. 🙂

Bombarding my brain.

One night, a little while after my friends wedding, I had another breakthrough. I was just about to drop off to sleep, when I started to get a headache. It was small at first, barely noticeable. Then, slowly, I started getting what I can only call ‘mini-visions’. They were small and blurred, images of faces, landscapes. My headache got worse as the frequency and intensity of the visions increased. It was like there was someone sitting on my head, or squeezing it while fuzzy images flashed through my head. Not particularly pleasant, but the information I got from this experience was well worth it. There were about ten gods trying to get through to me, bombarding me to get me to notice them. Well. It bloody worked. When I realised what was happening I asked them to stop, said they were hurting me. When they didn’t back off, my boyfriend and I created a protective circle and asked for assistance and protection from Mossyr and his goddesses, Bast and Athena. They soon went away after that.

My belief is that the longer a god has been awake and worshiped  the stronger they are, which means what happened makes sense to me. Now, lets see if I can remember the names of all the gods that were bombarding me…. Luga, Kikree, Rilla, Andiba, Etan, Reina, Mein, Orau, Ansun, and Sanshaa. Quite the mix, when you find out what they all stand for.

It hasn’t happened again. Perhaps they’ve learned their lesson. Or maybe they’ve also realised that if they hurt me to the point where I can’t help them, there isn’t anyone else yet that can.

Meeting the Stone Father.

February this year. I remember it so clearly. I was travelling by bus through the Roxburgh area on the way to a wedding in Cromwell. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and as I looked out the window I saw a beautiful rocky landscape. I was absolutely transfixed. There was a presence so large it was almost incomprehensible. I felt like running out and dancing atop the boulders and wished I had my ritual gear, because holy crap did I feel the need for an all out circle.

The huge presence I mentioned earlier felt like it was sleeping, under all the rocks out there. He seemed connected to the stone, like he was the stone. I have no real name for him, but he feels so old that I’ve come to call him the ‘Father Stone’. Not our father. No he doesn’t care much for us. I get the feeling that if he was to wake up properly, he wouldn’t be too happy with the state of the earth.

I haven’t been back that way, but I guess he slumbers still.

Roxburgh